david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize