Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
