All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
