So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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