new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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