i permit you to call me
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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