Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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