Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
