Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
