You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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