belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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