As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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