Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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