can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
