That's when you crack a 10am beer
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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