We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
