There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He felt like a one man threesome
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize