does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
