i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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