No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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