Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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