I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
