if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
