Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the condom got lost in my hair
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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