please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
