his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
