I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
