"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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