This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
