Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
