I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
