So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm really busy with my period
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