Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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