You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This house was built for laser tag.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
