i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
