dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
