Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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