And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My dick has a subreddit
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
