there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
