If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So much rum. So many feels.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
