The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
