I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
