I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize