I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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