I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
