He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
