maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
