AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
