Porn is love you can see.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
