Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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