Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
