but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
