I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
