defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
