you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
