i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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