Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize