oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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