uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He did a backflip because drugs
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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