Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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