youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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