I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
