I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
accomplished twins. life is a go
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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