Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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