I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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