quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
