At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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