Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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