just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
