Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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