You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
