Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There r osticjed everywhere
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
