My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
