could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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