her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
