Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
