I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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