Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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