I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
