my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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