One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
