Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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