Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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