He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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